As I started out the door to walk our dogs this evening prior to watching our beloved Cards play another game, I heard the Star Spangled Banner begin. I jiggled my husband's chair and said "show some respect babe" so that he would lay down his Iphone and pay attention with me. I sing it poorly but I sing it like I mean it. I don't know that I would have ended up this ""patriotic" if my son hadn't enlisted 7 years ago. Patriotic in the sense that whenever I hear it I stop dead in my tracks and pay attention. Patriotic in the sense that I still cry every time I hear it. Patriotic in the sense that I think about the fallen as I sing it. As the weeks start to tick down for our umteenth deployment over the holidays my sleep begins to fall into the pattern that doesn't allow me to rest as well as I'd like. It appears to be hitting me earlier this time. New training I've been exposed to while I'm working towards my yoga teacher certification is assisting me in at least being able to place myself in a comfortable, meditative state while I'm NOT sleeping. He's not sleeping either. Which is a worry for this military mom. Whatever's on his mind will stay there. And I'll be left to guess how I can support him from so very far away.
I'm often moved to pick up the phone and complain to my reps about the lack of support that I often witness for returning troops but nothing could have prepared me for the level of rage that I felt as I read the story of 4 Army Rangers killed on Sunday by a female suicide bomber. 13 of these Army Ranger's peers were badly injured and still not stable enough to move from Landstuhl to Walter Reed. Due to the shutdown, there is no immediate money for distinguished transfers of the fallen? Really? Anyone who can cast a vote in the next election for any Republican OR Democrat seated at this time involved in this mess needs to have their head examined. I'm unsure how this will all end up, but my prayer is that some celebrity will give up a handbag or a new outfit in order to provide the funding to these families who have already sacrificed so much. Meditation, prayer, yoga, I'm utilizing all of it this week in order to cope with so much loss.
I am the mother of a United States Military Service Member who is searching to find peace and meaning in my experience.